


It’s a question of pleasure

by Jackb



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexuality, Awkward Kissing, Beelzebub use they/them, First Kiss, Other, Post-Canon, Sex Positive Asexuality, Tumblr Prompt, even if there's no sex, they are clueless, they don't know how to kiss, they have to figure things out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2020-05-14 16:45:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19277347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jackb/pseuds/Jackb
Summary: First Kiss are weird and alien, it doesn’t bring much. Now the 1000th has a little more spice into it.Or how does Gabriel and Beelzebub end up kissing once and decide they might just kiss more.Story based on a tumblr prompt : "About Beelzebub and Gabriel... maybe their first time kissing versus their 1000th time kissing? "





	It’s a question of pleasure

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language, please excuse any weird mistake, warn me if I made any big big mistake that need fixing !
> 
> Have a good reading and a good day ! :)

**1st Kiss**

 

Lightning crashed on the ground and Gabriel emerged out of it. He readjusted his lavender cashmere coat and turned toward his associate with a big smile.

 

« You’re late. » Beelzebub said sharply, clearly not pleased, their clothes were a bit wet as it had been raining earlier, the Archangel arrived a minute after it had stopped.

« I was busy. » He had clearly been avoiding the rain.

« You think I’m not ? I was on time ! » They grabbed his scarf and pulled him to their level. Gabriel tensed a bit but didn’t appear at all worried by the gesture, more annoyed. « I have far much more work than you do pretty boy, I’m running Hell now in case you forgot, make me wait again and I will tear off every one of your little feathers. »

« With eight pairs of wings it’s gonna take you a while. »

« You can’t brag on thatzz with me, I have more wings than you. »

« Yeah, but how are your feathers ? Hmh ? » He smiled proud of himself and the grip on his scarf tightened with anger.

« I still have more wings than you have feather. »

  
Gabriel waited few seconds, unbothered, just letting Beelzebub affirm their position how they wanted, it was okay, he had been a bit mean, Beelzebub had been one of those who completely lost their Angel wings during the fall, they gained thousand tiny fly wings instead but it was not the same.

 

« I’m sure you have. » He let them have it, the demon let him go and he smoothed his clothes.

 

It all started a year ago, after the apocalypse-who-never-was ended, leaving both Heaven and Hell without directives. Satan was gone, so there would be no second Antichrist and by consequence, no second Armageddon. God hadn’t sent any new instructions. And after so many years preparing for Armageddon, just to see it fall flat, had complicated so many things.

Both sides had to calm back their subjects since there was no war. It hadn’t been easy, on either side, but what came after had been far worse, what were they supposed to do now ? Did they have to continue to plan a future war ? Without having any assurance it would ever happen. It didn’t make much sense, how did you motivate your troops that way ? Beside they needed to know how things would start, they couldn’t just start it whenever they wanted, they had to follow the script, the one God ordered. Armageddon had been all square, now it was just a mess they had to figure out themselves. And Metatron hadn’t been of help, at all.

 

Both sides had been so focus on each other for so long it was hard to imagine the possibility to do differently. One side against another, easy, simple. They couldn’t do something else, Heaven and Hell were ruled by the dichotomy of good and evil. It was unthinkable to imagine one without the other. Armageddon would have finally brought unity, now they had to think of something themselves. But since one side couldn’t do without the other, they had to settle an Arrangement in order to figure things out.

 

It hadn’t been fruitful yet.

It eventually would.. One day.

 

Beelzebub started to walk and Gabriel quickly followed. It wasn’t the first time they met like that and a feeling of familiarity and habit had started to take place between them. They were enemies, but they had no reason to fight now.

 

« So any news from God ? » They asked.

« Not yet. »

« Hmm, then why did you call me ? »

« I was wondering, should we put back some supervision down here ? »

« Well, seeing how it ended last time, I’m not sure. Besides, to do what ? You surely haven’t any special miracle to accomplish here anymore, have you ? »

« No, no instruction. »

« Neither for us, like sure we could still search to gain more soul, it’s always better to have more, but for what purpose ? »

« Yeah exactly. » Gabriel emphasized the feeling with enthusiasm. « That’s infuriating. »

It made Beelzebub laugh.

 

« To be honest I’m not sure it’s a good idea to put any of ours here, what if something.. Happen, like last time. »

« I guess so. » Gabriel sighed. He stopped his walk and Beelzebub joined his side.

« What are you watching ? » They focused in the direction the Archangel stared at. A human couple was kissing full mouth without ever stopping for oxygen.

« I’ve never understood what’s so appealing for humans in this.. Activity. »

« Yeah me neither. »

 

Gabriel turned to them surprised.

« Really ? » The demon focused back on him.

« Yeah ! » They answered like it was an evidence.

« I thought demon knew a lot about that. »

« All I know is that human sexuality is one of the best ways to lead a human to sin, no matter the sin. But don’t come to think I know why it’s so appealing to them. They just all go nut for it, well almost. I think it has something to do with how they multiply, but really they don’t even specifically do it to.. Reproduce. » They said with disgust.

 

Gabriel pressed his lips together and nodded, completely agreeing with it.

 

« It brings pleasure to them. » He said, like it would help.

« That’s gross. »

« Yeah ! »

  
They paused.

« Maybe we should try. » The Archangel suggested.

« Huh ? »

« Yeah, since.. I’ve been meaning to know why God is so fond of them. Some don’t even worship the Almighty anymore, yet She doesn’t bring anger on them ? I don’t get it. We are Her dedicated soldier, She doesn’t need.. Them, nor you all. » He gestured at Beelzebub with disdain.

« Hey ! Watch it ! » They roared. Gabriel ignored.

« They must have something we have not. »

« Yeah, choice ! » Beelzebub rolled their eyes, the fly agitating around them.

« Yes, but it can’t be just that. They had enough of choosing, they keep repeating the same things over centuries, what would the Almighty find interesting in that. Well, normally I shouldn’t have to question this, but Her silence is puzzling. »

« Oh hell, you’re right. » The demon realized in shock.

« So maybe it’s pleasure. » Gabriel suggested, he wasn’t sure, it was just a theory.

 

It was typically something human had for themselves, Angel didn’t have pleasure, they were more on a neutral ground all the time. Following the plan, and you didn’t need pleasure in this, all you needed was to follow the plan, neutrally. Demons didn’t quite know pleasure either, mostly boredom and misery. Armageddon would have brought them a better situation if they had won. Now they just had to endure more. But Human had this, they had everything Angel or Demon could access. So maybe the key in understanding the Almighty was to find the difference between them and Humanity that mattered.

 

On the bench, the couple was still kissing.

 

« Okay, I’m in, let’s try this shit. » They faced the Archangel and raised a bit their head as an invitation then waved at him. There were many ways for humans to find pleasure but the sexually driven one was the most obvious for the both of them, so that’s what they tried.

« Alright. » Gabriel shook his hands and trampled on the wet ground.

« What are you waiting for ? I’m already bored. »

« Don’t pressure me. »

« It was your idea. »

« I know. »

He pressed his mouth on Beelzebub’s and waited few seconds. None of them moved their lips it was more a face crashing than a kiss. At second thought, it really was a face crashing. They separated.

« How was it ? Did you have pleasure ? » He asked proudly.

« It was the most boring shit ever, and I run Hell ! »

« Yeah, it was pretty disappointing. » He agreed.

« We might have done something wrong, let’s try again, I think we have to move. »

They tried to kiss again, and just like last time their face crashed together, mouth against mouth then they added movement.

Surely you would think an Archangel and the new Boss in Hell could figure out pretty quickly how to kiss like humans. You’re wrong. All they managed for the moment is rubbing their face against another. It was NOT, what we could call, a kiss.

« Pleasure ? » Beelzebub asked and Gabriel shook his head.

« That’s how human kiss, I don’t understand why it doesn’t work. »

The Demon turned toward the couple still kissing.

« Let’s see how they do it first. »

« Arf. » Gabriel protested but followed nonetheless.

The two of them bent at the couple high and observed attentively. The couple, too focused on their task didn’t note their presence yet. After a moment Beelzebub focused on Gabriel, he did the same, they both tried to figure out this activity unsuccessfully.

« Is moaning obligatory ? » They whispered.

Gabriel shrugged.

« So much saliva. »

« Yeah that’s gross. »

The couple stopped kissing, finally catching the two staring at them.

« Guys, what are you doing ? Leave us alone. »

« Oh no, please continue fellow humans, we are just watching your mating ritual. Hmm, think of it as we.. » he gestured at himself and Beelzebub. « ..Watching pornography. » He was all smiles and all, Beelzebub at his side frowned.

« That’s creepy dude. » They disfigured them, and quickly took their stuff to leave the scene, too disturbed by the two powerful being.

« Hm, disappointing, I was starting to get it. »

« So, should we try again ? »

« Yes. »

 

They were slower this time, more precise too, at least their mouth stayed close to one another, but it looked more like two fishes mouth staying open trying to kiss, it was a disaster. Beelzebub backed off a bit.

« They were using their tongues too. »

« Yeah okay, like that ? »

Gabriel stuck his tongues out, the demon did the same and they pursued the deed. Their tongues touching here and there, it was, if anything, terrible. Finally, the Archangel stepped back, grossed out by the exchange of saliva.

« Okay, I think it was a success, but I had enough. »

« Did you have pleasure ? Because I surely didn’t. »

« No, but I think we starting to get the hang of it, we need training. »

« So what are you suggesting ? »

« We could try again next time. What do you think ? »

« It seems reasonable, I have to return to Hell anyway. Contact me if you have any news. »

« As long as you do the same. »

« Of course, Goodbye Gabriel. » The floor opened below them and they disappeared. Gabriel himself returned quickly in Heaven.

 

**1000Th Kiss**

 

Gabriel landed harshly on the mattress with a huff. He didn’t mind.

 

The room was awfully luxurious, extravagant, far too much in every aspect of it, everything was huge everything was expensive, everything was worth them. It was just what they had wanted for this.

Beelzebub climbed on him, ripping off the Archangel clothes without care and Gabriel dragged them in a kiss. It was passionate, fast and gross. They had become so much better at kissing since the first time, it had taken many of it for them to figure out how and to find the reward of the action. Their quest to understand pleasure had become a need the more they experimented, they were both hungry. Hungry for pleasure. They wanted more, always.

 

One could have felt bad to fraternize this way with the opposite side. They were not supposed to, but the circumstance of the Apocalypse-who-never-was had changed the statue quo. They were still searching a new goal together, because as always, until unity, one side was linked to the other, against the other, they were no separation and no fusion, the conflict would have to be settled one day. So in this time of confusion and search, cooperation had become a necessity. A necessity that shouldn’t have reached this point. But here they were, finding pleasure in each other.

 

Something in the simplicity of the human flesh was drugging for being like Demon and Angel, or at least for Beelzebub and Gabriel. It was a simple sensation that they both had the same eagerness to feel once they tasted it. Surely they understood now why Humans were so fond in their quest of finding pleasure. It hadn’t brought them any answer and they still searched for a key to read and make something of the mess they were. But first pleasure, all they wanted is to feel and more importantly to feel together. They had walked this path together after all. They were no sin into it, just exploration, just fulfilling.

 

Gabriel pushed the Demon a bit away.

 

« You bite me. » He said outraged. They laughed.

« Still want it ? » They asked, playful.

« Why ? Having any doubt ? »

« No, I just wonder, you should be disgusted by me, I’m not quite as pure as you are anymore, you know. » Gabriel straightened and ripped off the demon clothes too. The skin was covered by black crack, a liquid was spilling from them at it stank. It was far away from the perfection Gabriel made sure to incarnate. Not like the demon could ever reach back what the Archangel could have access to.

« Having any complex ? »

« Certainly not. So ? »

« Yes, I am, but I don’t care, you give me what I want, so I like it nonetheless. » They pushed him back on the bed.

« YOU give me what I want. » They smiled.

 

They kissed again, lips sucking one another, tongues twirling. They still found this gross, the act in itself, the fluid their body had to share. But how damned and blessed for the sensation they were. It was worth any price. Not like finding this pleasure together was costing much. He knew what they wanted and how they wanted it, they knew what he wanted and how he wanted it. They understood each other. Both of them leading a mess where they had to figure out everything. It was a lot of pressure. Despite their respective strength, they were not built for main-leading position. Angels were supposed to follow God directive and God hadn’t said anything. Demons were supposed to be under the shadow of Satan, but he was gone now.

So meeting each other had become a need to relieve this pressure, and this search of pleasure was just an outlet they were both eager to experiment together.

 

Their association would have to stop one day, they knew it, but the more they saw each other, the more they wished it to come late. The irony. But right now was not the time to think about this, now was the time to drown in each other.

 

They continued to kiss, searching the sensation, starving for it, it’s been seven months since the last time seen each other.

After a moment Gabriel pushed Beelzebub away.

 

« Just to be clear, I’m not the one topping here, that’s out of question. » Beelzebub frowned.

« Of course you’re not the one topping, now shut up and kiss me. »

« My pleasure. »

 

**End.**

**Author's Note:**

> I might be motivated to write some smut for them, directly following this story, if any is interessed, please manifest ^^
> 
> Edit : Alright, smut will be coming, just wait a bit for it, I have like, so many stuff going at the same time ^^


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